Confessions from a "Bad" Mom

Confession: I'm an absolutely terrible mom sometimes. 

At least in the sense that I've broken almost every parenting best practice, social norm, and pediatrician-recommended guideline DAILY.  It's really just a psychological survival game at this point.

So, to give you some insight, please allow me to confess to you just a snippet of what has gone on behind the scenes the past year since having the quads.  If this causes you anxiety, you feel the need to intervene, or reach out to correct my self-proclaimed terrible ways -- then STOP READING NOW.  I in no uncertain terms do not need any links to articles from medical journals saying what I'm doing is wrong, nor do I need any form of shaming.  Just whisper "WTF" under your breath, send screenshots to your BFF in disgust, and take a sip of wine as you judge me and tell your kids how bad it really could be if they were living in our home.

Saddle up with my boy, David, and shift gears into your judgment zone!

1. My kids have been sleeping with blankets since coming home from the NICU.
This one makes 90% of you reach for the millions of medical journals on SIDS guaranteed.

It's happened.  It's done. They are to the age now that it's OK, so...I can finally confess that no matter how many layers of socks, hats, sleepers, undershirts, etc.  I just couldn't be sure that my babes were warm!  North Dakota is freaking cold, y'all.  So, as my space heater in the basement nursery pumped out warm air 24/7, I also felt the comfort of knowing that my babes had tiny blankets covering their teeny bodies.

2. My kids have been sleeping on their stomachs since they were single-digits of days old.

When I brought them home, there was NO FREAKING WAY that I was going to break this habit and force them to sleep on their back as recommended.  Key word: recommended.  So, SETTLE DOWN, BECKY!

3. I didn't give a shit about their 1st birthday.

The fact is that as the clock turned to day 365, all four had hand-foot-mouth, everyone was asking questions about how I felt about it, and I was sick of being fake excited.  I love all of the encouragement and excitement from all many fabulous people in our lives, but it was super surreal and made me want to curl into a ball [for some unknown reason.]  I care more about the everyday celebrations that we've been able to enjoy; for example, Virgil and Ruby finally getting along and giggling at one another or Kit finally being able to crawl around with the squad.

Maybe it will sink in once we do our milestone pictures with Taylor?

4. The baby monitors only can see 2 out of the 4 cribs.  They've been like that for MONTHS.

I just don't care anymore.  They're too far gone.  Maybe I'll reconfigure them to creep when I want to creep in on them when they are teens...or more likely, they will still be in their same positions mounted to the ceiling when we sell this house 50 years from now.

5. When 1 baby is up, we whisper to one another, "What if this is what it was like?"
You know you would wonder, too, if this was your life.

6. The hand sanitizer I stole from the hospital hasn't been used since day 4 of them being home from the NICU.
If you haven't seen a study done like the one referenced in this picture, you're welcome.

I think that hand sanitizer is useless unless there is zero alternative.  The only time I think it is relevant is if it is used to supplement handwashing, but 95% of the time people use it to replace soap and water.

Instead, I have ensured that we are stocked with a 10-year supply of foaming hand soap from Bath & Body.  Their various lemon-themed scents hold a special place in my heart.

7. My kids cry themselves to sleep.  Daily.
I let my kids cry.
Every. Single. Day.
I mean, we never let it go longer than 5-10 minutes.* So, unless they are dead tired, they cry before falling asleep almost every nap and at night for 30-seconds at the least.

Before you get all uppidy on the long-term effects of "crying it out," please take a glance through this opinion article written by the data-praising economist Emily Oster: LINK.**

Makes you want to do it do all the things society wouldn't give you permission to admit, eh?  Data is a beautiful thing...especially when it works in your favor.  When it doesn't...

8. My kids share bottles, toys, spoons, name it, they share it!
I've been known during dinner to wipe the spoon across one kid's mouth, add food to the spoon, then shove it in another kid's mouth.  I AM A BARBARIAN.

I've washed all of their toys twice in their lives with soap.  Once due to a super-bored, post-NICU cleaning binge.  The next at the height of our hand-foot-mouth virus hell week.

If I know for a fact the dog licked it, then I'll give it a quick rinse through running water...but...

9. I hope they say "dad" first.
Just think: Then, he has to change all the poop diapers, refill all the sippy cups, comfort them in the middle of the night, etc.

10. I have not been able to make a grilled cheese without burning one side my entire parenting career.
At this point, I'm throwing in the towel.  My kids will just think that's the recipe and taste their entire childhood.

11. We have "solitary confinement" pack-n-plays we put kids when they can't chill out for naps.
If one or two quads can't get their shit together...

...into the upstairs bedrooms they go where the door gets closed and the TV volume gets immediately turned up in the living room.

12. I leave my kids unattended ALL. THE. TIME.
For example, any time that I need to bring a kid to the downstairs nursery to put them down for a nap, wipe Elsie's butt, cook a meal, yell at a dog in the backyard, answer the door, put in a load of laundry, hear what someone is saying on the other end of the phone, grab clothes after a kid poops up their back, the list goes on...and on...and on...

13. Elsie gets a solid 3-4 hours of screen time every day.

Any one that is raising a baby alongside a toddler is a liar if they say that this hasn't gone down in their home.  It just happens at an alarming rate in our house!

14. I currently have 6 laundry baskets-worth of clean, folded baby clothes dumped in the middle of the nursery.
The washer gets run 6 days-a-week.  I just haven't made the final step of putting the folded laundry away a priority...and I probably never will.

If you made it to the end of my confessions, then you have just read through the tip of the iceberg.  Can you relate to any of it?  If so...

Mom-shaming has no place in my life, so lets be friends!  @fargoquads

*Bad crying sessions only are allowed if they have been brought out for an extra bottle and/or meds.  So, we know that they are well-fed and comforted the best we can offer.
**Oster also has a marvelous data-driven book that I can recommend for anyone looking for validation or recommendations on the hot-\button parenting topics.  "Cribsheet" book LINK  #notanad


  1. That is the way I raised our kiddos and they are both adults now and very much healthy and happy with no known underlying mental or physical problems. According to my Grandmother, every kid needs to eat at least a quart of dirt in their life. And I have never been a white glove cleaner. We had a dog when the kids were little and he made sure that their faces were clean. Didn't seem to hurt them either. I couldn't handle the crying so that wasn't an issue I share with you but you know your kiddos.


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