"Mom" Break

My personal hell: Not being able to comfort a crying child.

As a person prone to anxiety, which usually gets wrapped in a neat little snippy package for those around me, having a child that won't respond to any intervention makes me tense in all the wrong places.  So, at least a couple times a day, you can take that times four, plop a toddler into the equation and you've got our household.  All parents, caregivers, and marvelous people that work with children know that what methods worked yesterday probably won't work today, or even 5-minutes later.  It's the worst.  Even more of a challenge are infants due to the fact that they can't F*CKING TELL YOU WHAT THEY WANT.  I would even settle for the annoying whiney voice that my toddler does when making a request!

Some days we have help.  This is appreciated, under-thanked, and means the world to us to be surrounded by such supportive folks, but it forces me to admit to these wonderful people that I don't have all the answers.  I'm constantly asked if the babies might be hungry, for crying antidotes, what the toddler wants to eat...

I get it -- they ask because they don't know.  So, riddle me this: How do you tell someone who has your infant screaming in their face that you, the parent, have no freaking clue what the child needs?

No, seriously.  How do you?

Because my go-to move is to scoop the child out of their hands and go into triage care*.  The problem is that with 5 kids, someone always needs something or is on the verge of needing something.  It never ends.  Admitting that I don't have all the answers means that I can't be "that" mom that is attentive and able to always comfort their children.  It SUCKS.

Does any parent know what they're doing?  And how do you know that you're not royally screwing up your kid(s)?  And even if you are confident in your methods, how do you know that someone won't come along and f*ck it all up in one swift move?**

This is why I need a break.***  Not a "mom" break, where I'm getting out of the house to go to the grocery store, go to the dentist, or to take the toddler to the park.  That kind of "break" is BS and you know it.  I mean an actual break.  To not have to worry about the toddler eating too much cheese, wonder if someone is going to remember to give Ruby her medicine, what type of situation I'm going to walk into when I get home -- you know, all the stupid things that parents think about when they are supposed to be relaxing.  Basically, I want a free pass to not give two shits about what happens back on the home front.

We know how this is going to end...

I mean, I'll "keep up the good work" and "I've got this!"

-- just know that I sometimes hide on my back porch watering the tomatoes making a mental list of all that I need to pack for the beach vacation I leave on tomorrow.

That's just going to have to be OK.  If I have to admit that I don't know what I'm doing as a parent of five children, especially infant quadruplets, then I get to admit that I want a break from it all.

PS: I love my kids, husband, and life.

*Triage care is a fallback move at all times in our house.  I believe that this is why Kit screams the loudest.  She is the smallest, so she wants to make sure to not be forgotten.  FML.
**My older sister has always been one of my idols.  One of her many strengths is being conscious of how she approaches body-image with my two nieces.  Long story short, one of the girls' friends totally tainted this image with one mean comment.    
***You thought I was going to give you some encouraging answer, huh?  Jokes on you. 


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